You Do You, pt. X

Funny story I told my small group tonight. Last year I used to pray that the Lord would allow me to let people hug me. Isn't that strange? I am just one of those people who doesn't hug unless it's my mom or my dad or Hayden. I just don't really enjoy it. But sometime you just gotta hug it out. So I prayed for that. I forgot about it until tonight, but looking back it looks like I might have loosened up a little bit. Progress! I also prayed to have more emotion and to allow people into my life. The hugs fit in there nicely. When I was in middle school/high school I remember someone telling me that someone thought I was a rude person because I didn't talk much/seemed arrogant because I had a "mean face". Apparently I just continuously have a furrowed brow that makes me look harsh. Enough so that my mom asked me why I had dirt in between my eyes. No mom, that's not dirt, that's a wrinkle line. Anyway, that made me really sad. And has carried on with me for a long time. Anyone that knows me knows I just really am not talkative unless it's around my family. It makes me wonder how many people have a negative impression of me just because of my quietness/looks. I was never "the cool kid" and if I hung out with the people that were I was always the outcast. I don't think I was a "mean girl" (although I think everyone has some in them) but who knows what others think? I never was the person everyone liked or a class favorite. I really doubt many people saw me and thought I was a joyous person. I oftentimes wonder what a person from high school would describe me as. It makes me sad to think that they wouldn't all be positive. I didn't have any "enemies" in high school that I know of, but the fact that there might be someone out there who thinks less of me just really makes me sad. I wish I would have truly understood what loving like Christ meant at that age. And I wish I could go back and show everyone how deeply I cared for them, and cared to know them. If people knew I was in ministry now with Young Life, what would they think? I know I shouldn't be bogged down by insecurities and the past, but sometimes it's good to assess the past to better shape the future. Just some thoughts for the night.