It's the middle of a week of terror for me. Three tests, a project, and countless other little "homeworks" have pretty much brought me to my knees. I struggle with the occupation I've chosen to pursue. I know I want to be a physician more than anything else, but it's the road getting there that kills me. I feel like any mess up, be it a test grade or a lost opportunity jeopardizes my chances of getting into medical school. Last semester I got an unexpected 4.0 (praise Jesus!) but the pressure I feel now to get another one is sometimes overwhelming. I will always strive for perfection, but never ever in this life will I meet that. ESPECIALLY if I am relying on myself.
Tonight before I got ready for bed I was reading my Jesus Calling and came across the line "I know your weakness, and I will meet you in that very place." Jesus knows I'm anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, and quiet frankly, way too caught up in my plan. I know that He will deliver me from these test anxieties and the anxieties I have when I get the test back. I have Him to rely on and the peace that His plan is underway- a perfectly timed, perfectly incredible plan. My Jesus is bigger than organic chemistry tests and MCATS and GPA's. I rest in that, and I rest in the fact that He is helping me to understand and live that.
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